One Plus One Equals Five

Photo by Nicola Barts : https://www.pexels.com/photo/frustrated-man-in-front-of-a-laptop-7927346/

I recently happened across a Facebook “conversation” (also known as an angry argument) between a guy I went to chiropractic school with and several of his followers (I know that the usual term is “friends” on Facebook, but, well…) .

He was commenting with no small amount of self-satisfaction at how much trouble he had stirred up with a post he had made the day before.

I’m not going to go into what he said on either post, but suffice it to say that the topic was one of those “hot-button” political issues that many people have strong opinions and feelings about.

Now, this particular gentleman is, as I said, a former chiropractic school classmate. We’re Facebook friends, but we were never all that close, just someone I had the shared experiences of school with. I always thought of him as a decent guy, just not someone I had a lot in common with, so we never were close real-life friends, per se.

In any event, it appears that he really upset a significant number of his other Facebook friends (real-life friends, family, and apparently some of his chiropractic patients), as well as pit the ones who strongly (and angrily) disagreed with him against those whose opinions were in alignment with his.

Again, the specific topic of disagreement is not what I want to focus on.

It’s the need that so many of us have (often that includes me, I’m afraid) to be right about…

Stuff that really doesn’t matter all that much at the end of the day!

Yet we’re willing to actually endanger long-time, important relationships for the sake of being “right”.

This didn’t used to be quite such a big deal. The majority of the time, we used to be able to agree to disagree, but those happier times seem to sadly be in the past for the most part. We’ve become so polarized politically and socially that those who disagree with us are no longer simply those who disagree with us, but are THE ENEMY!

And we no longer think of them as simply being misguided or uninformed for their views that oppose ours. Now they’re outright EVIL (and/or mentally deficient) and trying to DESTROY OUR COUNTRY!!!!

Apparently, some of the statements my former classmate made in his original post were kind of along these lines and some people (again, these were friends, family members, and even some of his chiropractic patients) not only disagreed, but were personally offended that he would say such things that applied to them and their beliefs - and some of them said as much!

One made the comment that he’s entitled to his beliefs, but he could have expressed them without demonizing those who disagreed with them.

In more civil times, I think this individual would probably have ben prompted by the blowback to give some thought to his comments and probably would have apologized for causing offense, but that’s not the direction he chose to go.

Nope, his response was to basically double-down with the all too common, “I’m right (and righteous). You’re wrong, and stupid/evil!” These were not his exact words, of course, but they were pretty much on that theme.

I have no doubt that this battle of words continued to play out over the next several days – all over something that frankly, neither side has any control over whatsoever, outside of voting or possibly providing some form of support for the political entities involved.

Yet they’re going to spend a whole lot of time arguing about it. Feelings will be hurt even more. Relationships will be damaged and possibly ended.

In the end, probably nobody’s mind will be changed about the issue and what to do about it.

What a waste of time and energy for everyone involved (except me – I got a story idea out of it)!

I read recently that actor Keanu Reeves tries to avoid discussions like this. In his words:

“Even if you say 1 + 1 = 5, you’re right - have fun.”

Of course, it’s all well and good to offer a contrasting view to try to protect someone from actual injury or trouble, but arguing over stuff that doesn’t really matter (or that you don’t really have any influence over, even if it does) isn’t a very productive use of our time and energy.

Yes, it might feel good to “win” the debate and “own” your opposition, but in the overall scheme of things, what’s the benefit – to anyone?

Is it worth losing important relationships?

Is it worth the anger, stress, and negative energy that floods your body when you engage in this sort of conflict?

For me, the answer is no. But, at least for me, I must admit that it’s hard to ignore that burning need to be right.

It’s going to take some practice and effort, but I’m working on letting go of that need.

I think the peace and reduced stress, not to mention the time I waste on arguing, will be well worth it.

1 + 1 = 5?

[Deep breath] Sounds good to me!

I wish all of you peaceful and joyous holidays!

Until next time,

George Best, D.C.